Early last week, a friend sent an email asking for my viewpoint on several topics. The topics were thought-provoking and my answers probably more so -- in some respects, almost a declaration or challenge to myself to do more and to be more. Which is sort of the point of this blog too – to aspire to everything we’re inspired to do. As the Christian world prepares to celebrate Easter this coming weekend, it’s a perfect time for personal thought and reflection, and so I’ll be sharing each topic and my answer… for your own thoughtful pondering. You're invited to stop by each day for both thoughts and Easter Fun!, and maybe a little contemplation of your own…

What are your thoughts on… “Coping with aloneness and loneliness”
No matter who we are or where we are in life, what we've achieved, who we have gathered around us... we all will experience times of aching loneliness. A feeling of being alone and a desire for true companionship, a burning wish to be with someone who simply wants to be with and who understands you. Those feelings may come when you're sitting in a crowded room with people you know and love, or they may come when you're truly physically alone. They may come when you're married or unmarried, divorced or widowed. No one has a monopoly on feeling lonely and alone.
Sometimes coping means we need to take a deep breath and take a step forward in life. To let go of unrealistic expectations. To seek to see the good in our lives and to recognize the miracles and opportunities of each new day. As an unmarried person, I spend a lot of time alone and not interacting with other people. And here's what I've noticed: I need to make myself reach out, pick up the phone, schedule a lunch date, plan a movie, or something. Always waiting for other people to reach out to us isn't enough. We need to make an effort too. Meaningful, relationship-building contact with other people is important to each of us. It contributes to part of our psychological well-being. We need to interact with other people in a positive way. Nurturing friendships is important, and sometimes its just something we have to make ourselves make the time or the effort to do.
Taking that to the next level, there's the desire for a spouse or life companion. Someone to share your life and experiences with. Someone to 'complete you'. But the hard truth is that a spouse doesn't necessarily do that. A spouse is another person with their own ideas, habits, needs, and feelings. A spouse isn't going to be the ideal, perfect person we might imagine. We need to let that myth go.
People who are married - happily or otherwise - generally agree that marriage is hard work, made up of give and sacrifice and compromise. It's not a "cure all" for anything - including loneliness. And allowing ourselves to pine for a marriage and/or spouse we don't have won't make it happen. So focus on what we DO have and be grateful for the many many blessings in your life TODAY. Build and nurture the relationships you have already with friends and family. Focus on being happy and comfortable with who you are.
Then in those dark moments, which still may come, when you find yourself overcome with an aching loneliness that seems inconsolable, fall to your knees in prayer. Turn to the God of heaven and earth for comfort and solace, don't be afraid to ask him to help you to overcome these feelings for which there is no immediate remedy. Do all that you can and put your faith and trust in him for the rest. He knows the desires of your heart and he will never leave you truly alone.
An Important Post Script:
Sometimes loneliness is accompanied by depression and anxiety, and its simply, deeply overwhelming. Overcoming it can be more than we can handle, no matter our good intentions. If we feel overwhelmed by loneliness, depression, and/or anxiety, don't be afraid to seek for, ask for, outside help. Sometimes outside, professional help really is needed to make the difference in regaining you.